: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
