I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
