part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
