the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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