I'm jealous of your bromance
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
