dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
apparently the secret to your success is patron
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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