Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I need to align my fucking chakras
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
