how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
