You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize