Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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