im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
