You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
