please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
