did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
