I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
