There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
