If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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