Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
