I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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