so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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