I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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