I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Found the puke drawer
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
