To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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