my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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