I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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