There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
