Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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