someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
