Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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