My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
