Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
True strength comes from lack of pants
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
