You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
