I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
