i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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