I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
