so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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