my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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