he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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