For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
