Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
