she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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