Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she smelled like a LAN party
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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