we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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