she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
