The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
