People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
