doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
