so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
