i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
