i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
