i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
