And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
