I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
