I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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