At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
its not stalking. its research.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
